I’m no cult leader, but…
I recently watched two true crime documentary series about an online community called the Twin Flames Universe (or TFU for short). One series — Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe — was on Amazon Prime Video; the other, called Escaping Twin Flames, was on Netflix. TFU is little more than a cult in which the leaders—self-proclaimed life coaches and spiritual masters with no formal training to speak of—convince their members to purchase online classes that include a guarantee of finding companionship with their one, “God-appointed” true love (or “twin flame”). Advice included trusting the leadership—and only the leadership—to tell them who God said their twin flame was and following the advice of TFU’s leadership without question (advice that included paying them money every month).
I have to say that this documentary had me squirming in my seat… not only from witnessing the pain and trauma of TFU’s members. But also because of how familiar it all was.
I’ve completed a certified life coaching program (though the title “life coach” never resonated with me).
I’ve been trained and mentored by spiritual leaders for almost 15 years (although I can’t imagine ever calling myself a “spiritual master”).
I’ve started an online community for people looking for love.
And I was once persuaded to join an online business group that encouraged students to use the very same manipulative marketing tactics to “close sales” that the leaders of TFU used on their members.
Yikes.
I was recruited into the business group by a member who I trusted. At first, I really appreciated what I was learning in the group. I came to understand that there’s nothing inherently wrong for charging for my services or having financial goals — my work and time have value and if I can’t sustain myself financially, I can’t help anyone else. I came to see how my fear of rejection kept me from sharing my offerings with others. I learned to not take “no” personally. And I got to be a part of a community that included many other wellness and wellbeing practitioners who also wanted to run their businesses in a way that was consistent with their deepest values.
But as I delved deeper into the lessons that the group offered, I began to hear advice that left me feeling extremely uncomfortable. This included lessons on:
“refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer” ("If you can out-grit the other person, you win")
targeting individuals’ “pain points” (because, well, “cryers are buyers”)
how the most successful community members were the ones whose motto was “Whatever the leader says, I do” (without hesitation or question)
After that, I ended up leaving the community. And when I told people who weren’t in the program about it—its charismatic leadership, how students are told that they themselves are to blame if they don’t get the results they were expecting from the course, and how participants paid tens of thousands of dollars to take more and more courses and work more and more closely with the inner circle of leadership—more than once I was told, “Wow, that sounds like a cult.”
So, was it a cult? I really don’t think so. Were the leaders of that community trying to train people to become cult leaders? I have no reason to believe that. But were their teachings — teachings which I’ve since come to learn are relatively common among the word of self-proclaimed online marketing experts — ripe for abuse? Absolutely. And in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if the leaders of TFU based at least some of the things they used to grow their community on marketing tactics such as the ones I was taught.
The fact is, in my journey through the world of spiritual communities and personal development, I've encountered both inspiring moments and uncomfortable truths. The TFU community served as a stark reminder to me that not all paths to self-discovery and healing are paved with good intentions.
With that in mind, I offer this:
As you seek love, guidance, and personal transformation, it's crucial to maintain a deep well of conscious awareness. It's this awareness that allows us to recognize when teachings, however well-intentioned they may appear, begin to veer into a place that feels uncomfortable. It empowers us to ask questions, to think critically, and to trust our own inner wisdom and our ability to discern what aligns with our deepest values.
For me, it also reminds me that love, justice, and inner peace are at the core of genuine personal and collective healing. It inspires me to focus on the well-being on the individual in front of me while recognizing the interconnectedness of our collective journey. And it supports all of us with tapping into our inner wisdom, nurturing compassionate self-growth, and co-creating a world where love, justice, and our collective liberation prevail.